anger

Why so angry as I cry... Its my sickness that does me this way... It leads me into false beliefs... Thinking irrationally and delusional things... I can't help that I'm up then down... I can't not worry and stress all the time... My mind constantly races every thought gets bigger... Yes I have breakdowns... I fear abandonment and am overly dependent... I obsess and compulsively do things I shouldn't... I fear people as if they were demons... I'm paranoid about everything and often think oddly... I have delusions that confuse my reality... I slip away and disassociate when it gets to hard to handle... I know its a lot to deal with every day... But there's no need for yelling and saying mean things... No need for hitting walls and screaming at me... It only makes it worse and it scares me... What happen to calm collected knows exactly what to do... Never yelling or screaming but speaking in a soothing voice... Someone that held me through the pain and didn't leave me crying for hours on end... You are worn thin... Patience is gone...given up hope that all this will be gone... I need the old you back asap...the pain this is causing me is really hurting me... Don't get mad when I confuse a delusion scream at me and hit and throw things... I'm sorry if I thought it was real I honestly did not know better... Please something make me better... I'm ruined and damaged... I making him insane and he can't handle much more... I'm asking for hope to change... I'm asking for the skills to make it work... And I'm asking for love and patience from my dearest love one...